Clayton

MCGUIRE

June 27, 2023

Words by CLAYTON MCGUIRE

Photography by TEXAS LETTERS

I have been here on Allred unit close to eighteen months enduring this solitary confinement like I have for many years now although now by force rarely getting showers or recreation but surviving staying as positive as possible. Now we did finally get tablets helping the mindset tremendously. Did have a mental breakdown around Thanksgiving of 2022 that could have been some type of panic attack enhanced greatly. The thing is this specific wing was sent from a unit that shut down the psych program and by policy this puts an instant Chronic Mentally Ill - CMI status until a state committee takes you off which keeps denying me for no reason. I am not even on medication. Anyhow some months ago staff told me to pack up I was being transferred with me super happy going to Abilene then Huntsville staying a few weeks then was told I was on the way to another psych program totally on the other end of Texas! Signed a refusal right then and a week later was transferred all the way back here now wishing I would have went to the unit I was being sent to. The whole solitary confinement thing not behind disciplinary or none of that but over at one time being a part of an organization now fighting every step of the way to get the crap off my back.

Well another thing pertaining to the transfer with a new policy after an inmate had escaped murdering a family well now all of your property besides 5 hygiene items - shower shows - legal work and medications are all an inmate can take all left behind. Now on top of this your clothes are taken you are given clothes and shoes a million other men have worn before you still filthy to put on then shackled foot to waist to arms and a box in between for the chain to be put through forcing your hands to turn facing different directions and have to ride this way wherever you go. Very demeaning and dehumanizing to say the least just like solitary confinement in itself is. A man will sit in this cell feeling desperate, abandoned among a huge multitude of extreme negative emotions with a side of psychological torture making you think is all this truly worth it in the long run? Sure I committed a crime plead guilty only to suffer abuse by the people who are the ones that are here to assist in me rehabilitation? Pretty crazy all the way around. Now I just sit here hoping better days to come for better blessings one day. That is all that can be said it is the same thing here recreation and showers rarely hoping for a break in this life. Thank you for your time.

Clayton McGuire