McConnell Unit, Beeville, Texas
24 years in solitary / ad seg
Silvestre
SEGOVIA
August 20, 2024
Words by SILVESTRE SEGOVIA
Photography by TEXAS LETTERS
GODS GRACE AND PEACE TO ALL!!
TODAY IS AUGUST 16TH 2024 AND HERE I FIND MYSELF….AGAIN!! A 51 YEAR OLD MAN CURRENTLY SERVING A FOUR YEAR SENTENCE. ADDING TIME, DAILY TO THE 25 YEARS THAT I’VE ALREADY BEEN LOCKED UP!! 24 YEARS OUT OF THOSE 25 HAVE BEEN SPENT (OR WASTED) IN A PLACE CALLED “RESTRICTIVE HOUSING.” WHICH WAS ONCE CALLED “ADMINISTRATIVE SEGREGATION”, OR, AD-SEG FOR SHORT. THE NAME CHANGE WENT INTO EFFECT IN 2019. AND QUITE UNDENIABLY WAS MOTIVATED BY POLITICAL POSTURING TO PRESENT THE APPEARANCE OF CHANGE, AND YET ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CHANGED!! IT STILL REMAINS AS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL AS EVER!!! NO MATTER THE NAME!!
AND YET, AS MUCH AS I’D LIKE TO USE THAT WORD…UNFORTUNATELY TO DESCRIBE MY SITUATION OR PREDICAMENT…AND MAYBE EVEN TO MINIMIZE MY ACCOUNTABILITY, I KNOW THAT WITHIN MY OWN HEART AND SOUL….THAT JUST WOULD NOT BE CORRECT!! YOU SEE, THAT WORD, UNFORTUNATELY, MEANS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED BY….UNLUCKY CHANCE. FACT OF THE MATTER IS…I JUST MADE SOME VERY POOR DECISIONS!!!
SO, HERE I AM AGAIN. LIVING, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY…EXISTING…WITHIN THESE FOUR WALLS THAT ARE EQUIVALENT OR SMALLER THAN THE AVERAGE SIZE RESTROOM IN A HOME. PLEASE, CONTEMPLATE THAT FOR A FEW MINUTES. HAVING TO SPEND 23 HOURS PER DAY IN SUCH AN ENCLOSED ROOM, VOID OF ANY COLOR, OTHER THAN OFF-WHITE PEELING PAINT AND RUSTING STEEL!! I UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT DISCIPLINE AND PUNISHMENT BUT, THESE ARE SOME, QUITE FRANKLY, INHUMANE CONDITIONS!!! AND AS I’VE PERSONALLY WITNESSED…HAVE CAUSED SOME PEERS TO LOSE THEIR GRASP ON REALITY. COGNITIVE FACULTIES IN COMPLETE DISARRAY!!! I HAVE COMMITED MANY CRIMES THAT I’VE REPENTED FROM AND YET, I REALIZE THAT I MUST PAY THE CONSEQUENCES…BUT, ISN’T IT INHUMANE TO CREATE, CAUSE OR EVEN CONDONE THE LOSS OF SOMEONE’S SANITY, NO MATTER THE CRIME?!?! THAT DOESN’T HELP A SINGLE PERSON!!! ON THE CONTRARY…CREATES GRIEF FOR HIS OR HER FAMILY!!! MEDICAL EXPENSES…ETC. AND THAT’S EVEN CONSIDERING IF THEY APPLY THEIR OWN STANDARD POLICY. WE ARE ALLOWED ONE HOUR OF RECREATION TIME OUTSIDE OF OUR CELL, YET STILL REMAIN INSIDE. WE ARE TO BE ALLOWED DAILY SHOWERS. FACTS ARE…THIS YEAR..YES, THIS YEAR WE HAVE ONLY BEEN ALLOWED OUT FOR RECREATION AT THE MOST…TEN TIMES!!! SHOWERS?? MAYBE TWICE AS MUCH!! WE FILL OUR SINKS WITH WATER AND SCOOP OUT CUPS ONTO OURSELVES. CERTAINLY LESS THAN HUMANE CONDITIONS BY ANY STANDARDS. LET ALONE THAT I DID NOT COMMIT ANY OTHER CRIMES OR VIOLATIONS OF T.D.C.J. TO BE PLACED IN THIS CLASSIFICATION. “RESTRICTIVE HOUSING” IS SUCH AN…OUTLANDISH AND CRUEL PRACTICE, CLOAKING ITSELF IN THE NAME OF SAFETY. THE POLITICIANS EXCUSE TO CONDONE OR, APPLY, RATHER, THIS…CLASSIFICATION OF S.T.G., OR, SECURITY THREAT GROUP, IS THE SAFETY OF OTHER ‘RESIDENTS’ AND STAFF. SAFETY AND SECURITY IS AN ESSENTIAL PART IN ANY LIVING SPACE. AND GRANTED, US, MEN AND WOMEN WHO ARE IN PRISON HAVE ACTED UNCIVILIZED. YET, TO PLACE SOMEONE IN SUCH AN INHUMANE PLACE, SUCH AS “RESTRICTIVE HOUSING”, WITHOUT COMMITING ANY CRIMES WITHIN T.D.C.J. OR EVEN VIOLATING ANY RULES IS ALSO UNCIVILIZED!!!
WITHIN THE TWO AND A HALF DECADES THAT I’VE BEEN INSIDE THESE WALLS, I HAVE NOT COME OUT UNSCATHED. FROM 1992-2002 I SPENT NINE AND A HALF YEARS IN “RESTRICTIVE HOUSING.” I WAS RELEASED STRAIT INTO SOCIETY. I, APPARENTLY, NEEDED SOME TIME TO “ACCLIMATE” MYSELF BACK INTO SOCIETY. CASE IN POINT IS…AFTER A 3 HOUR WALK IN MID NOVEMBER, BECAUSE THE BUS BROKE DOWN AND NOBODY TO CALL, I FINALLY GET HOME AT 2:30AM-3:AM. AFTER ALL THE HUGS AND KISSES, I FALL ASLEEP…ONLY TO BE AWAKENED WITH FISTS CLENCHED AND ADRENALINE INSTANTLY COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS…WHY? YOU ASK?? A NIGHTMARE?? NO, IT WAS MY WIFE KISSING ME!!! I WAS READY TO POUNCE ON MY WIFE FOR KISSING ME!!! I COULDN’T SHAKE THE SHAME, GUILT AND REGRET OF THAT NIGHT OR MORNING. RESTRICTIVE HOUSING IS ONE MAN PER CELL. CONTACT, PHYSICALLY, IS A VERY RARE OCCURANCE WHICH LEAD ME TO REACT AS SUCH!!! WHAT IF MY COGNITIVE ABILITIES WERE EVEN SLIGHTLY SKEWARD?? I HATE TO EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT!!!
EVEN AFTER SAYIN’ ALL OF THAT. I WOULD BE REMISS IF I DIDN’T MENTION GOD. JESUS CHRIST HAS GIVEN ME A PEACE IN MY HEART, MIND AND SOUL!!!
I STILL DEAL WITH ALL THE AFOREMENTIONED ISSUES. I’M NOT IMMUNE FROM GOING THROUGH THEM…BUT I AM IMMUNE FROM LETTING THEM AFFECT ME IN A NEGATIVE WAY. GOD’S PEACE AND LOVE GRANTS ME SERENITY IN THE MIDST OF CHAOS, WHICH, THIS PLACE CERTAINLY QUALIFIES AS.
KEEPING STRONG THROUGH
FAITH!!!
SILVESTRE SEGOVIA