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Murray Unit, Gatesville, Texas

9 years in solitary / ad seg



August 16, 2023


Photography by TEXAS LETTERS​​

It is Wednesday, August 16, 2023 and to be exact I’ve been in solitary confinment known as Restrictive housing 10 years in 10 months I got into solitary confinment when I was 16 years old almost 17 years old back in October 2012 I am now 27 almost 28. At first when it first happen to me when I got placed into a cell I was like oh well until I fully understood the concept of the situation that I wasn’t coming out for awhile and I couldn’t talk to to many people other than the people who where in the cells around me and that I was only able to go to Rec 1hr day and to the shower. I was ok like I said at first then I started getting older but I was still younger to so I got bored and I want some attention from somebody I wanted to talk to somebody not in a cell I wanted to play I wanted contact so I started acting out getting out to use of forces so somebody can jump on me almost if we where playing like wrestleling it was fun until that started to get boring then I became depressed, angry, suicidal, all at once I was like surely this is not my life so I starting tying things around my neck cause I ended up with freeworld charges more time in prison because of my bordoem getting the best of me and got mad when the officers starting hurting me for real I caught my first free world charge when I was 17 for throwing water out of the cells on the officers it tested as urine it happen multiple times I ended up with 4 free world charges the first 3 times they lied on me it was water I swear on my life it was but the last unfortunaly it was feces as I had done started playing in my feces I had lost my mind for a while I was always in my feces. my family had then died my Granny was my everything when she died I was hurt I was like what am I going to do my momma and daddy forgot about me. I said you know what I’m in this cell the warden told me when I was 17 my whole life is in a cell I ain’t got nobody I might as well just kill myself and right when I was about to do it somebody spoke to me in spirit and I knew it was God cause he said I Love you I cried I cried and I praise and worship God. But they’re are times I fall back into the devils trap in I cut and hurt myself for periods of times. My dad came back only to leave agin my mom did the same I feel sick agin but I’m hanging in there cause I know God he said that although my mother and father forsake he will never leave me nor forsake me. But sometimes it gets hard especially when you have time to think to much and you start to travel down memory line sometimes it’s fun sometimes it’s very sad and it gets to hard and you just break down crying especially when it gets cold or a storm is coming and you feel the pains I hate this one pain I got into a use of force and they dislocated my arm I screamed I cried out why it hurts I wasn’t fighting anymore I just wouldn’t give them my arm and when they got it they all pulled on it and every direction and it pop 3 times oh man and it hurted. The way they do us down here is horrible at times we barely go to rec cause don’t nobody come to work or at least that’s what they say we can never get a hot meal we barely take showers I still don’t have an education although I would like one but no one cares. Oh so many youngins have committed suicide I remember seeing this one girl she had just turned 19 and a few days later she committed suicide it was awful I never wanted to witness that agin but I did.

And it gets out down here I guess we all get aggervated and start yelling out the doors threating each other it’s ugly then we all will make up it’s a cycle and eachother is all we have down here in Restrictive housing some of us been down here for years some just came some come back so we need each other we are all we know. And if we can’t talk then we argue with each other I guess that’s our way of really saying we love each other :) I really don’t know, I just wish and pray that this solitary confinement stops it’s inhumane so many have lost their minds come on the playing in my feces like it’s paint making figures out of it that’s so not right thank God I don’t do that nomore but seriously though cutting is bad down here people cut I cut myself and I shove pencils or whatever other object I can find inside my cuts. It’s an addiction a very bad one it started with attention seeking now it’s something I like to do but I am doing my best to stop it at this very moment but it’s hard but all things are possible with God this is a little here of the story I told is sad but it is the truth please please help us this is not our lives behind no door let us out it’s driving us mad crazy I don’t want to loose my mind I’m 27 almost 28 I’m still young but I’m not getting younger I’m getting older. Please help me in the other ones in a cell it’s been years I would love to walk around freely not handcuff. Let me tell you so I had ended up going to get some mental Health help at Jester 4 unit then they sent me to Skyview cause I am a woman but while at Jester 4 unit they let me out the cell with the other female inmates I was nervous a little scared anxious then this girl GIGI came up to me in hug me I was terrified I couldn’t believe it I stood straight arms by my side holding my breath eyes big then the officer was like Amos hug her back I wrap my arms around her slowly but when I hug her back it felt good I cried it’s been so so so long it felt good I was about 23 years old. I just pray and hope yall help us somebody hear this and help us let us out we did our time it’s overdue to let us out of here.


    Sincerely # 1776577

    Chelsey Amos


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