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    I admit, the first time I gave up my freedom, I wasn’t paying attention. I wasn’t scared or afraid that I wouldn’t be going home, but to a juvenile detention center. I already had my mind set up that I was going to do this or that in order to avoid any degrading circumstances that came with juvenile. I use to practice what I would be like if I went to jail. I used to see those Crips on MSNBC Lock Up. Them boys were hit up, rep’n the set and getting money. A part of me was nerviously being held together by pride and a broken state of mind. I know now that as a man, I undermeasured the 1st time I gave my freedom away. It kind of gave me light as to what i could and couldn’t deal with and it even made me feel like, going to jail wasn’t so bad. I mean, I wasn’t wanting to go on vacation, but if I just so happend to go back, then I wasn’t torn about it. I can say one thing, no matter how it felt, it never really got to the point of me not taking whatever risk I took. For over 2 decades, i’ve held onto some of those broken secarian thoughts and values. My mothafucking body is holding onto so many memories. Everything takes me back, my eyes passionately highlight the navigated paths that i’ve taken. That shit be feeling like im driving one of them arcade race car games, but the up front Tesla version. When it come to this kind of life, it can make you feel like Charlie Wilson in the song ‘My name is Charlie Wilson’. here is my number, give me a call, I was wondering… But, when you young, you can handle some hard shit! You move so fast mentally, you dont even grasp the fact that you’ve just took a mean ass blow to the head, when you give your freedom away.

You be developing some hard intentions and then as you grow, the natural actions of what others do and say can reshape your lane. I guess, you only know what I mean if, you’re one of those people that overly feel things you hear, see and feel. I mean, it just hit different. You don’t have to be some ice bodied soul but, when you feel things, you may think from so deep within. It’s like when you paint the jurney of your trip, it spells out, DAMN,  just let me be in my peace and not a piece of what’s missing from someone elses peace. In my situation. I’ve had alot of rooted broken-ness in my childhood. Alot of visions, force me to present so many conclusions.  I know im not the only one that has started to do or think something, then all of a sudden you stoped and realised, something was off. Im just saying, you could have thought, what the fuck am I doing and what would the people that love me think. Some shit will make you judge people with the broken pain in yourself, you’ll lable and judge them on the same shit you KNOW you got in yourself. It’s so much I wasn’t paying attention to. Love will put that stuff in your eyes, you know clear eyes Visene, I spelled that wrong, lol;) But you remember that tv ad, they had ;) If you feel me, then you’ve  been Ocean Deep within your soul. You’ve lost your feel and level  in life at times. You have and CAN forget that it’s a 2-way street in everything your soul presented to you, just pay attention. Life really does get bright.

 

                                           Teddrick Batiste #999568

                                           Polunsky Unit D/R

                                           3872 FM 350 South

                                           Livingston, T.X.77351

Polunsky Unit, Livingston, Texas

10 years in solitary / ad seg

Teddrick

BATISTE

March 2, 2022

Words by TEDDRICK BATISTE

Photography by TEXAS LETTERS​​

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TEDDRICK BATISTE